Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. Just a thought. nuff said. The marriage is fine except for the sex. Super heart broken!!! Same for women who refuse to engage in sex with their partners. Its is not your role. I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. Wish she would just say so. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. I think Im in love and theres no turning back. If that is not possible, it may be too late. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.". "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. Hello Elle, She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Or a genuine, romantic, butterflies-in-the-stomach exchange? I dont know where to start. I NEED an active partner. Our devastation has completely made intimacy and sex impossible. When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. Except that one little thing. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Leah 09. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. We dated for 30 years and finally got married. Hell go out and get what you can as long as its safe and mutually desired. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. My first wife and I married when we were 21. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. Sex ended, period. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system . To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I wish she would just go away and never come back, shes got just about everything I own. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? Your email address will not be published. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. My ex was 16 years younger then me. Its all a crock. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. I didnt sign up for this garbage! I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. I guess I must count my blessings. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. she says when she and I are close she gets panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Yeah, maybe not, eh . 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. Although i had told him beforehand that if it didnt change I would get it on the side. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Then, let the pouting begin. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. })(); I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. Is it something we should split over? So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. 2 children later sex was still fun. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. Not the husband its always the mom. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Emotional connection is the starter and it is counterproductive if her man is resentful or walking around with head down and needy. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. I too have never cheated. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. !, so we better act tough, ya know! I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. No sex for about 20 years. I have a simple fix for all this. Although she initially helped with my toddlers, she eventually lost interest and helped only occasionally. I realized that her life and passion are our girls (which she refers to as her girls). The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. Do I disgust her? On fantasy world would be 24/7! I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! When you choose not to accept/care/act on it year after year, our desire disappears. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. You definitely dont get it. So much hurt involved, and guilt. In the real world things are very different. With my wife it was menopause. Harley, I am doing none of those things. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. You have grown as a human being . What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. Richard C It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like shes failing at this parenting thing. There is a limit to everything and this crosses that line. But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. Key points. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. Many claim that its women who become dis- As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Quick and fast is also good. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . He is overly stressed from work. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. Weve been married for 37 years. Suddenly it all makes sense. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. 9. Leaving her is not an option. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. Choosing a date of the week for example, in which she will be the one to request it. 2. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. When it gone, its gone. Thank you for sharing! I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. He is always sitting alone. Demetria, so how old are you now? Id rather die than lose him. But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. that is all there is. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. .! So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. he is very persistent. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. But when I try to go to the next level. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. I am 67 and my wife is 62. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. Some could be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin, or abuse. etc. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. */ My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). Stayed for the kids (gone now) and because I dont WANT to be divorced but I am so painfully alone. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. And Ive been caught too. I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Sometimes I wish he would go. My husband had 19 affairs. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. I love her. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. Peter: she wouldnt interest you shes like me now old, cranky, take pills and fat. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. Youd do things her way, when she wanted it, or else its divorce rape in the courts. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. 57mwm here. She has just lost interest. I try to get used to it. Please explain to me. Its maddening! I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. Very true! Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. I have what may be slight ED..but offered to stimulate and play at sex often..there are some really fun marital Your husband is a very lucky man. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. She know eccatly what shes doing. Its bad. He doesnt even like to kiss. We have had little to no connection with them since. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!!
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